


Off the Fence

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Comforting Castiel, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 12, salty cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Coda to 12x06. Dean and Cas finally confess that there's so much more to them and Cas comforts Dean when he opens up about his mother leaving.





	

Sam went ahead to bed after the drive back from Jody’s. Dean refused to talk to him about tension between him and their mom. Breakfast was a typical Winchester affair, complete with shoving food in your face to help stuff down the feelings you needed to suppress. All his life Sam thought Dean was just like their father but it turned out he was somehow a clone of their mother.

 

Dean wanted to drink himself into a stupor but after a visit with Billie he was in no hurry to be reaped over alcohol poisoning. He poured himself one drink and took his sweet time getting it down his gullet. The second one mulled in the glass as he just stared into it. He was startled from his daydreaming by the slamming of the bunker door closing.

 

Quick steps descended the stairs and approached the illuminated table in the war room. Dean barely flinched as slender fingers snatched the glass from his hand. He looked up to see Cas down the contents in one swallow.

 

“Rough day at the office,  _ honey _ ?” Dean snarked.

 

Cas flopped down next to him and rubbed his eyes. “Crowley is, as you say, a douche. He’s insufferable.”

 

Dean poured Cas another drink. “You’re the one who decided to work with him.”

 

Cas eyed him. “No, we were chasing the same lead and I decided to  _ tolerate _ his presence. I’ve not forgotten the outcome of my last endeavor with him.” He chugged the second glass of brown liquid. He held it up for another round. Dean smirked but  filled it up. The angel could imbibe copious amounts of alcohol before his words even started to slur.

 

“I saw Mom.”

 

Cas’ arm slipped around Dean’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

 

Dean shrugged. “It’s complicated.” He huffed. “Everything is so goddamned complicated. She’d hitch all the way to Canada for a hunter’s funeral but she’s called me once and sent two texts the past few weeks. She says it’s her, not us. I don’t know, man.”

 

“Has she expressed any interest in returning home?”

 

“Eventually. She’s still trying to find herself. I told her she could ask us anything. Oh! Speaking of asking anything...Did you know we’re famous?”

 

“Famous or infamous?”

 

“Little of both. They wanted to know where my husband was.”

 

Cas squinted at him. “You aren't married.”

 

Dean laughed at him. “They meant  _ you _ , dumbass.”

 

“Oh. I suppose I should update my Facebook status.” He snatched the bottle and drank straight from it.

 

Dean recoiled. “Well hello salty goodness. And what's with the boozing? Way to do the Winchester name proud.”

 

Cas growled at him. “Maybe I don't feel like making a joke of our relationship. Or distinct lack of. Maybe after weeks of Crowley mocking me and using the word ‘boyfriend’ as a derogatory remark, I don't wish to be mocked by you as well. And maybe, just maybe, I'm in a bad...fucking...mood.”

 

Dean stood up and pulled Cas up with him. He took the nearly empty bottle away and deposited in the trash as he tugged the angel down the hall. Cas could have resisted but he allowed himself to be manhandled. Dean pushed him across the threshold into his bedroom and slammed the door behind them.

 

“Alright. Out with it. You get pissed at me, yell at me. Crowley's being a dick, be a dick back. Having a shit day? Talk to me goddamnit!” Dean raised his voice. His nostrils flared and he stared the angel down.

 

Cas paced the floor. “What am I? To you? A joke? An attack dog? A pet?”

 

“We’re doing this? Fine! We’ll do this. Why don't you tell me what I am to you since it's so fucking easy for you to walk away from me?”

 

They were practically nose to nose. Chests puffed out, eyes locked. It was a standoff to who would speak up first. Cas put both hands on Dean's chest and shoved him hard.

 

“You’re angry at your mother for leaving and you're taking it out on me. I didn’t leave you to ‘find myself’. I went to clean up the mess I made. I was  _ working _ . And I called you every night to tell you what I've done.” He pushed Dean again. “Your turn.”

 

“You know you’re not a pet. You're a Winchester. You’re family. I fucking hate that you're gone all the time. I want you here. With me.” Dean softened a bit. “You’re not a joke. I shouldn't joke about something like that.”

 

“Dean...if it wasn’t for Lucifer I would be here. This is my home too. It's part of the reason I'm in a shitty mood. I don't  want to be away from you. I’ve missed you.” Cas stumbled back and sank down onto the edge of Dean's bed. “I know you deal with uncomfortable subjects with humor. The prospect of matrimony with me must have been unsettling.” He hung his head.

 

Dean crossed the room and pulled up the chair by the wall to sit facing him. “No, Cas. That's not...I joked about it because I didn't think you would take it seriously. You know, like the idea of being shackled to me till death do us part ain’t so grand.”

 

“I  _ am _ bound to you, Dean. My brethren, they were correct. My fall from heaven started the minute I touched your soul in the Pit.”

 

Dean reached for Cas’ hand, unsure. It was a small comfort when he didn't pull away or flinch at his touch. Dean wished he could remember that moment. He remembered all the worst parts of his time in hell but never being saved by an angel. 

 

“If we weren't bound by your grace, would you still want to be here?” Dean's voice cracked. So far in life no one had chosen him. Anyone who ever stood by him had some sense of obligation. Most of the time he felt like he was Cas’ pet. He’s the attack dog.

 

Cas looked up with weary eyes, still brilliant blue but with age around the edges. He offered Dean a warm smile. “If I had met you in my travels, I would still want to be your friend. And as your friend I would come to care for you a great deal, to love you. You are an extraordinary man, Dean Winchester.”

 

Dean let the words sink in. He tried to decide if he was being placated by an old friend or if those were Cas’ true feelings on the subject. “What the hell are we doing, Cas? We’re just talking in circles.”

 

Cas looked so tired. He was done fighting, or being adversarial with Dean. “I’ve loved you for a long time. Sometimes I question the nature of it.”

 

Dean sighed. “Ditto.” He scrubbed his face with his free hand. “Why is everything so complicated? Why is it so easy for other people but not us? For the first time in years we're both of sound mind. So do we do this or not?”

 

The silence was deafening. The high pitch of tinnitus rang in Dean's ears.  _ Say something, Cas. Please. Either tell me you want me or tell me it ain't happening because I can't sit here on the fence anymore. _ His eyes pleaded. 

 

“This would kill Crowley,” Cas joked before sitting forward. He pressed his lips to Dean's. It was awkward but still a move nonetheless. Dean grabbed his jaw with both hands and kissed him back.

 

It wasn't sexual. It was a declaration. It was words neither man had been capable of speaking. Their friendship ended and a relationship was forged. 

 

“I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.” Cas whispered against Dean's lips. He sought another kiss before pulling Dean onto the bed with him. They moved up and into the middle so Cas could hold him close.

 

“Why am I not enough for her?” Dean let the dam break. The tears he tried to drown with booze surfaced and spilled into the collar of the trenchcoat. He clung to the angel. He was always the one to hold, to comfort. For the first time in over thirty years he was being held and by the angel he was told watched over him.

 

“I don’t know, Dean. I can't speak for her. I’m sorry she's not who you expected her to be. But you are enough. More than enough. She should be so proud of you. She should feel honored to be your mother.”

 

Dean sniffled. “I know. My brain knows this but my heart…”

 

“Your heart is mine. It's mine to heal and protect.” Cas kissed Dean's forehead. He wiped away errant tears with his thumb. 

 

“Stay. Please. Don't leave me tonight. I can’t be alone right now.”

 

“Of course, Dean. Rest. I’ll watch over you.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> "Hello salty goodness" was the first thing Cordelia said when she saw Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and on the premier of Angel.


End file.
